We can’t wait to jump into one of our favorite topics with you – is self love selfish?
Before we give an answer, we want to explore what self-love means, selfishness, and why they often get confused with each other. Tru&Well is a self-care blog focused on self love so this is often a question that pops up when we are researching new topics and chatting with people who are new to their self-love journey.
What is Self-love and Why is it important?
According to the Brain and Behavior Research Foundation, self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological, and spiritual growth.
Self-love means having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness. The definition of self-love is multi-dimensional because it focuses on different areas of our body, mind, and soul. True self-love is accepting yourself and all your flaws while still being able to love yourself and feel comfortable in your own skin.
A lot of people may feel uncomfortable when they start their self-love journey because many people claim that self-love is selfish.
Have you ever heard the analogy of the cup? If you continuously pour into the cup of others but do not replenish your own, you soon will not have enough in your cup to give out.
When you focus on replenishing your own cup, you can show up as your best self while still being able to focus on loving others. Self-love provides us with the opportunity to develop interpersonal skills, build self-esteem, and show up as our best selves through personal growth.
The concept of self-love is not focused on just caring about yourself and no one else. Conversely, it’s about prioritizing yourself so you can show up for others. The needs of others should not consume your life but you can tend to others in a more positive way when you practice self-love first.
Self-love gives us an opportunity to truly love ourselves and embrace any flaws or mistakes we’ve made in the past. It can help prevent low self-esteem and ensure that we have a healthy relationship with who we are. Self-love includes focusing on our physical health, mental health, spiritual, and emotional health.
And when we have a healthy relationship with ourselves, we can build and form healthy relationships with the most important people in our lives. Self-love helps us understand acceptance, patience, and unconditional love.
What it isn’t
While self love is focusing on your own mental health and focusing on your own happiness, it doesn’t mean that you forget about others’ needs. It simply means that you hold yourself in high regard. It’s not a selfish act if you take care of yourself so you can be the best version of yourself. Self love also isn’t an excuse that should be used for behaviors that can be detrimental to your health.
While we are all for eating intuitively, eating only donuts every day isn’t a form of self-love. In actuality, one of the best ways to show yourself, love, is through discipline. That being said, self-love doesn’t mean that you do things and just slap a self-love label on them. More examples of what self-love doesn’t include:
– Forgetting about responsibilities because you want to spend every hour of free time watching Netflix
– Being mean to others because you are setting boundaries
– Putting your needs in front of others at all time
– Practicing toxic positivity – self-love is about accepting the good, bad, and ugly
We do want to remind you that it’s totally fine to have a Netflix binge here and there but if you are always putting things off because you are allowing yourself to rest as a form of “self-love”, this is not the best way to love yourself.
At the end of the day, if there’s a behavior or activity that is detrimental to your health, it is most likely not an act of self-love.
How to start practicing Self love – a few easy tips
Now that we’ve covered the question – is self love selfish? We want to share some tips with you!
Self love is very simple to incorporate into your daily routine as long as you’re open to it. It is work that can be done privately – there’s no need to post your journey about self-love online unless you are ready to. And while you may not be able or ready to share your journey went, you may actually find that speaking about your journey to others may be helpful.
Some easy things that you can start today are:
Setting Healthy Boundaries
Think about the time you spend on social media. Is it beneficial to your health? If you constantly compare yourself to others, maybe it’s time to set up social media boundaries. Practicing healthy habits online is just as beneficial as practicing healthy behaviors in person. If there’s a family member who always wants to gossip about others or a friend who treats you poorly, it may be time to create boundaries. Yes, it’s important to be mindful of other people’s needs but when those needs come at the cost of your mental or physical health, it may be time to rethink those relationships.
Pay Attention To Your Thoughts
Are you constantly thinking about yourself negatively? Are you focused on limiting beliefs that impact your quality of life? Sometimes you may have negative thoughts cloud your judgment and prevent you from living the life of your dreams.
An easy way to start paying attention to your mental health is by noting down any time you have a negative thought. This presents a unique opportunity to work on yourself and it can make a huge difference in your life. When you have a negative thought, ask yourself why. Keep asking yourself why until you get to the root cause and then you’ll identify areas and things you can work on.
Sometimes an easy fix for this is by creating a great morning routine. This will allow you to start your day in a happy and healthy way. Also, affirmations are great for any mindset work!
Forgive yourself for the past
Forgiving yourself for the past and accepting yourself can be one of the biggest acts of self-care and self-love. You may have a hard time with this one but it’s important that you understand your previous behaviors, forgive yourself, and heal from them. If you really struggle with forgiving yourself, seek professional health.
This is one of the ways you can achieve inner peace and create a more positive inner world. Your mental health is extremely important. Some will say that the only way to forgive yourself is with time but there is some work that needs to take place as well.
By forgiving and accepting ourselves, we will be more compassionate in the long run. This can help us understand and practice empathy when dealing with others. If we are hurting inside, we can often project that hurt into the world. When we work through negative feelings and make it through difficult times, it will give us a perspective that may be more accepting of others.
Nourish Yourself with Healthy Foods
What you put into your body is important to your health and well-being. Prioritize whole foods that are full of nutrition. Try planning ahead when visiting a grocery store. If you have meals preplanned for the week or start trying out new recipes, you’ll be able to take better care of yourself. When we put good things into our bodies, we will be in a better place mentally and physically.
If you are unable to buy all organic or you’re not ready to completely overhaul your diet, take small steps to add healthy foods. Instead of eating processed foods as a snack, prioritize a smoothie or carrots and hummus.
Create a Self Care routine that you love
Self-care practices are highly beneficial to building self-confidence, improved mood, improved health, and a good mental state. When you take care of your own needs, such as physical well-being, you’ll be primed to be the best version of yourself for others. If you do not have a self care routine, you can easily start by thinking about your own interests. Do you have a hobby? Do you prioritize your health – are you getting enough sleep?
Self care looks different for everyone so an important question to ask yourself is – what type of self care should I focus on most? There are over 6 different types of self care. Below we have a few ideas for everyone!
Some self care ideas include:
– Prioritizing movement each day
– Meditate
– Speak to a therapist
– Set a positive intention for the day
– Do a face mask
– Focus on spending time outdoors and in nature
– Work on processing emotional pain through journaling and introspective healing
– Say something kind to yourself every single day (affirmations or compliments)
The idea of self-love and self-care is not a one size fits all thing. Some people may already have a wonderful walking routine/workout routine and maybe their spiritual self-care could use some help.
All in all, it’s important to remember that the foundation of self-love is creating an approach that is custom to you and your needs. When you start to understand the gaps where you can create more self-love or identify areas where you’re not showing yourself enough love, you are taking a step in the right direction.
Final Thoughts
We hope you enjoyed the post and have a new outlook when you are asked – is self love selfish?
You absolutely should not feel bad about taking care of yourself. Especially when there are so many powerful ways to show yourself some love.
Showing yourself real self-love is not selfish love.
When we do small things each day to care for ourselves, even if it’s taking a few seconds to think positive thoughts in the morning, we allow ourselves to prioritize the most important relationship – the relationship with ourselves. And when we become the most important person in our lives and we prioritize our best interests, this can contribute to high self-esteem and allow us to be the best version of ourselves for others.
Think about the cup analogy one more time. By simply pouring into our own cup once a day, we can easily be the greatest best friend or family member. By giving to yourself, you can give more to others and be a better person. Your outer world will be a reflection of your inner world – love and acceptance.
So no, self-love is not selfish.